9 Pros and Cons of Dating a Doctor (or Medical Student/Resident)

What’s it like to date a doctor? Let’s break down the pros and cons.

Dating life, no matter your profession, is filled with complex challenges, but physicians and physicians-in-training have a unique lifestyle that often interferes with their personal life. In this video, we’ll jump back and forth between the pros and cons to give you a complete picture of both the benefits and drawbacks of dating a doctor, including what that means for finances, commitment, and sex.

Con #1 — Busy with Little Spare Time

The first con is being busy and having little spare time.

This is true of medical students, it’s especially true of residents, and it continues to be true for practicing physicians; that said, how busy a doctor is depends on their specialty.

During medical training, which can last 7 to 12 years after college, spending long hours with a significant other often isn’t an option for medical students and residents. Be prepared to spend a great deal of time without your partner, including on evenings and weekends.

This can be an adjustment for some people, especially for those who clock out of work and forget about it at 5 pm every day, or those who want to spend quality time together and go on adventures every weekend.

In addition to hours spent in the hospital, medical students have exams to study for and extracurriculars to keep up with. Residents have grueling hours where they have to be alert and aware on the job. Though the Accreditation Council for Graduate Medical Education technically has rules that say residents can’t work more than 80 hours a week, averaged over a month, or more than 24 hours in a row, it’s unfortunately still quite common for residents to consistently work over 80 hours in a week and for over 24 hours straight.

I discussed the overworking of residents and the use of them as cheap labor over on the Kevin Jubbal M.D. channel, videos linked in the description.

Since time together will be limited, it’s vital that the time you do spend together is used wisely. Ensure you prioritize quality time together instead of wasting it scrolling on your phone or arguing about what to watch on Netflix or what to have for dinner. Have a plan, even if that plan is staying in and watching a movie together.

We cover tips on how to make the most of a relationship with a doctor-in-training, including how to ensure you spend quality time together, in our dating in residency guide.

Pro #1 — High, Reliable Salary

Pro number 1 is a high, reliable salary. It’s no secret that doctors make quite a bit of money, anywhere from the low $200,000s to the high $700,000s, depending on their chosen medical specialty.

In addition to having a high salary, the salary is consistent and reliable. You don’t have to worry about the economy crashing, real estate highs and lows, or your partner’s industry becoming obsolete. We will always need doctors, and although pay can fluctuate and may not fully account for inflation, compared to other industries, it’s as stable as you can get.

If you’re dating someone who is still training to become a doctor, you can rest assured that they have a high, reliable salary to look forward to, and even though it may take a few years, in the future, you will be able to live comfortably no matter your career or how many children you want to have.

But that said, the elephant in the room is medical student debt.

Con #2 — Student Loan Debt

Which brings us to con number two: the potential hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt coming out of residency.

The average doctor leaves medical school with an average debt of $250,000, and this number continues to grow each year as tuition and other costs associated with college and medical school increase.

And keep in mind that this is only the average, which takes into account the many, many medical students who graduate with zero or very little debt thanks to their parents footing the bill. This means there are plenty of students who graduate with much more than the average $250,000.

If you’re considering starting a life with this person, that debt will come along with them. This can delay buying a home or family planning, depending on your own financial situation. If they are smart with their money in residency and the first few years of their career, they will be able to pay off their debt soon enough, but that requires financial literacy, which, sadly, many doctors don’t have.

If you’re worried about becoming one of those doctors, check out our Money, Investing, and Finances playlist.

Pro #2 — Driven and Committed

Pro number 2 is doctors are driven and committed. Medical school is a grueling process, and it takes years of dedication to even get there. Someone who has survived medical school understands hard work and has a drive to succeed.

Doctors are also intimately familiar with making major decisions about their future, such as whether to commit to medical school in the first place and what medical specialty they want to devote their lives to. Even after medical school, doctors must commit to 3-7 years of residency before they are fully trained.

While not always the case, this mindset of making educated, long-term decisions can transfer into their personal lives.

After a minimum of 7 years of extra schooling and training after college, commitment is not new to doctors. And since they have so little extra time, if they are choosing to spend their limited time with you, they likely think you’re the real deal.

Con #3 — Unpredictable Hours and Schedules

Con number 3 is having an unpredictable schedule. In addition to being busy, medical students and doctors often keep unpredictable hours.

A medical student in their first two years of med school, also known as the preclinical years, will be more flexible, but after that comes clinical rotations, which are followed by residency. During residency in particular, doctors can be on call and are likely to have unpredictable hours, including night shifts and working on weekends.

Booking off time for holidays, birthdays, concerts, or weddings oftentimes isn’t an option.

When doctors are on call, everything is up in the air as far as scheduling goes. If you like to stick to a plan and want to know what your week or month will look like in advance, this could be a challenge for you.

If you have a flexible work schedule, you can more easily work around someone else’s strict and unpredictable schedule. However, if you have a rigid work schedule with only specific holidays and days off, arranging vacations, holiday celebrations, and gatherings with family and friends can grow complicated. And it may not even be feasible for residents or doctors early in their careers to book certain holidays off or take a long vacation.

Pro #3 — Medical Knowledge

Pro number 3 is having a doctor beside you to answer all of your medical questions. While they can never stand in for anything that requires visiting your own doctor or a specialist, it can be relieving to be assured your cut doesn’t require stitches, your chest pain isn’t a heart attack, or that your baby’s rash is just acne.

No matter the specialty, all doctors have basic medical knowledge from medical school and clinical rotations. They can remove splinters, dress minor cuts and scrapes, and know the signs to look for when something could be seriously wrong, like a stroke or heart attack.

Most doctors are BLS and ACLS trained, so they’re ready to respond in an emergency. The “is a doctor on board?” scenario is quite real and happens to most doctors at some point or another if they travel frequently.

I experienced this myself near the end of my 4th year of medical school. You can listen to the full story over on the Kevin Jubbal M.D. channel, but spoiler alert, it turned out just to be a tick that a stressed mother wanted removed from her toddler before the plane could take off.

Con #4 — Putting Your Goals Hold

Con number 4 is that you may have to put some of your own goals and priorities on hold. This is especially true of doctors who are still finishing their residency training.

Residency is an incredibly stressful and draining time for doctors who may have to work 80 hour work weeks or 24 hour shifts, depending on their residency program. At this time in their training, doctors are tied to their specific residency location and are unable to jump around to another city if you, their partner, have a job opportunity somewhere else.

Residents are locked into where they match for at least 3 to 7 years, depending on their specialty, but keep in mind some specialties require the first year as a transitional or preliminary year, which is often in a different city from the remainder of your residency. The long hours, high stress, and unpredictability over such a long period of time can wear people down. And as their partner, you will be there through all of the ups and downs of becoming a doctor.

While not impossible to start a family, residency can especially delay these plans. It’s not uncommon for doctors who are still in residency to want to wait to have children until after they complete their training, which can be 3-7 years after medical school.

Even for the shortest residency programs, including family medicine, pediatrics, and preventive medicine, they would be at least 29 years old by the time residency is finished. But keep in mind this is the absolute shortest path—it’s more likely that they would be into their mid-30s.

Pro #4 — Advanced Understanding of Anatomy

Pro number 4 is having an advanced understanding of anatomy.

No matter your gender, anatomy knowledge has its advantages in the bedroom. Doctors will understand what everything is, how things work, and where everything goes. And that’s more than can be said for most of the people you might date.

Undecided #5 — Strict Rules and Hangups

Lastly, and this could be either a pro or a con for you, is that doctors can have strict hangups on things that the everyday person might not think about.

For example, they may not go in public hot tubs or pools, participate in extreme sports, drink more than the recommended amount of alcohol, or spend any time in the sun.

They’ve seen the consequences, and while it may be annoying for those who like to live on the edge, a doctor partner will help you stay safe and healthy, too.

If you’re dating or considering dating someone training to become a doctor, ensure you understand the complete process. Watch our breakdown of How Long It Takes to Become a Doctor.